Post Traumtic Stress Syndrome???

Hola 3 1/2! So, it's Halloween..I've never been a fan of Halloween to tell you the truth.  I hated it as a child and I tolerate it as an adult. Now many of you who know me might say..."but Pam (you'd say) how is it you hate Halloween but love a good ghost story"?? Well let me bore you with my sad tale of woe as to why I have  no love for Halloween.  Picture this..1963 approx. Tiny little round girl  with blond hair (yes, I was chubby and blond dressed up as Casper the Friendly Ghost (how twisted anyway, a child that's a ghost, that always made me sad!) Anyhoo..there she is in the dark of night, OK it was probably 6 pm, but at 4 years )old it seemed like the dark of night! There...looking down my little street I see a familiar figure, I knew it was familiar because I recognized the walk.  The figure got closer and I got excited and ran to meet my neighbor Carol, who was a dear friend of my Mothers.  I ran to Carol for her to pick me up as she always did and lo and behold when she got me up in her arms I looked at her and she wasn't my Carol but a horrible Hobo....yes dear readers how chilling!!!  I don't know who screamed louder her or I as I was kicking her and screaming to get out of her arms. God knows to this day that memory still makes me ill.  Once she got me to my Mother and they calmed me down and convinced me it was Carol I still was a little trooper and wanted to go out in my little Casper Costume, with the mask with the little slits for eyes that could cut your retina's out...and out I went with my older sister and the horrible Hobo (not my sister) and her children. So...la de da...off we go walking down the hill near my house to go to my Mother's other dear friend, Elsie (god bless her).  Elsie had two boys, Johnny and Danny.  I adored both of them.  Johnny imp articular was a favorite of mine and to this day when he's in town comes and visits us.  He always called me Sam, don't know why, but he did, but I digress.  Anyway, hip hop down the lane (oops, that's Easter) we get to Elsie's house...Trick or Treat we all said and what opened the door was a tall green man (at 4 everyone is taller than you!) who also tried to pick me up (what the fuck was it with people picking me up?)  He was green with ugly black hair and nasty fanged teeth, OK he was green, but maybe I "imagined the teeth and hair".  Anyway, again I kick, scream and cry loudly this time.  Well it shocked the green man as it was my dear Johnny, who was about 10 or 11 years old at this time.  He had painted him self green to celebrate the holiday and no he was not a leprechaun. By now the Hobo and the Green man had had enough of me and to tell you the truth I didn't care if I got candy or not.  Home I went to Mom and Dad to to my safe little bed.  Needless to say the next year I threw up when it was time to go out Trick or Treating, I went out very few times in my young life after that but the one time I did I went as of all things...a Hobo! Looking back it is actually not a horrible story and I might have been a "bit" of a drama queen, OK princess. To this day I try not to go out on Halloween...weird huh, cause I sit home and watch ghost stories!  I had a shrink tell me once that it was because I was afraid of what was under the mask not the mask itself.  I don't like people who I think are hiding something from me..wayyyy too deep.  So on to the ghostie part, I love, nay adore a good ghost story.  I'm not afraid of the ghosties it's the real people that scare me.  I would welcome a visit from my dear Mom or Dad or Grandma or Grandpa coming back to say hello.  I know they would just be checking on me.  So folks, if you're out there listening come say hello tomorrow night, I'd be happy to see you as long as your not green or dressed like a Hobo!  Here's my random though....if you are a ghost and you come and see me, please bring candy (Russell Stovers assortments would be fine, no damn snickers for me) as I never really collected on Halloween.   So have a happy and safe Halloween and don't pick any little one's up unless you are costume free! Ok...here's my fun Halloween fact...did you know that a sign of a werewolf is a uni brow,long fingers and hairy palms??? Sounds like a few dates I've had and a few women I know!! In the words of the late Michael Jackson "it's a thriller diller night!"  Live long and prosper....love Casper (aka Pammy) xoxxoxo

For my little round Mama in heaven

Dear 3 1/2..It's been a few days since I've checked in, but haven't felt like writing, nor have I had anything interesting to say.  I now have something so say, and it's more for me than for anyone else.  I am appalled and horrified by the blog written for Marie Claire magazine that bashes the TV program "Mike and Molly" because the two characters are heavier people.  I am fucking sick to death of the term morbidly obese..If your Doctor uses this term to you that's fine, but for society to throw it around like it's a term like happy or sad is pissin me off.  This "so called journalist" stated she was "sickened by watching" two fat people on TV.  If you watch the program it's about two people dealing with the stuff that any two people who first start dating deal with.  This "journalist" has since apologized stating it has to do with her own hang ups with anorexia.  Well...God bless her (the fucking bigot that she is..) How would she have felt at the time of her "dealing" with her  anorexia if someone had put a TV show on and the character was that was anorexic and then had people say it sickened them?  We see anorexics on talk shows and programs like The Today show and people are sympathetic.  I have no problem with the program and it's not because I am a fattie.  I have lost 116 pounds and work every day to keep it off.  I am now a size 14-16 but I still don't view myself as "regular" because of what society drills into us.  Even when I was as size 28 and I have never ever admitted to anyone that this was the size I was, I still was told I was beautiful and felt loved by people who mattered.  There were plenty of people that wanted to spend time with me, that were attracted to me.  I am not bragging but I did just fine.  Yes, there were people who did not accept me, that made horrible remarks and tried to make me feel bad about myself. At times they won and I did let it get to me.  I chose not to let them destroy me.  I'm not saying it's hasn't taken it's toll.  I still have no body image, I still dress like a fat girl at times and have trouble showing the shape that I have not that it is that amazing, but it's not all that bad for a 51 year old broad! I chose to lose weight not for society but for myself.  To be a healthier human being and to make sure I was going to be here for a long time with my amazing husband.  This is just another form of bullying and the message that it sends to young people.  That they are not good enough.  People kill themselves over remarks like this.  Yes, we do have a problem here in the USA with people being overweight, yes we need to be healthier and to learn better eating habits, but one thing I want to say is people do not chose to be overweight just as a person dealing with a eating disorder that takes them to the other extreme.  Yes there are people who just don't care about themselves and have lost all hope, but most of us do care!   What does this say about society??? How irresponsible of Marie Claire to have allowed this hurtful thing to be so meanly put out there.  I am a strong proponent of freedom of speech and freedom of expression and this "journalist" or whatever she is, and had every right to express here opinion just as I have the right to mine, but she and the Magazine needed to remember and think that words hurt, words kill and words can never be taken back. Have they not be paying attention to the news lately???  Sorry means jackshit.  So basically, this is a big screw you to anyone who has ever taken a potshot at anyone who is different.  Let me bend over so anyone who doesn't like it can bite my big fat ass.  I will never be a "skinny" girl or a size 6 nor was that my goal.  But I am proud of who I am and what I have a accomplished fat or skinny.  My random though for today is as Depeche Mode so aptly put it in the 80's "People are people so why should it be, you and I should get along so awfully?" ....I love skinny people, fat people, gay people, straight people, green people, black people, white people, disabled people, unattractive people and beautiful people and yes people with eating disorders.  I don't care what you are just that you are good people. So rock on to the station that put this program on the air, just because you are showing diversity of life.  The next time you see a person who is different don't look at them as different, just as a person and think of perhaps some of your own short comings as we all have them. Whew...I had a lot to say and I thank anyone who read this.  I'm stepping off my soap box now and one thing I will apologize for is the angry tone I have used.  I have stooped to the level of the bigot who wrote the acid blog.  So now, let me end with a fun fact, because yes I do have one...Did you know that Marilyn Monroe was a size 16??? People wanted and adored her and has gone down in the world of pop icon's as one of the sexiest most desirable women.  One last thought before I go (and I shut up as many people probably wish I would) but did ya ever think about how a word looks and sounds funny the more you use it??? My word is "People"....looks funny, sounds funny but that cause I've used it over and over again today.  Love you all 3 1/2 and anyone who reads this.  Please feel free to share it with other people, not that I'm that eloquent but just so people think.  Shalom!  Pammy.   

Out of the "closet"......

Dear 3  1/2 readers...it's time for me to come out of the closet....are you listening???? Are you worried about what I'm going to say???? Good....I've hooked you in!!!! Let me say it loud and clear....I AM A CLOSET BARRY MANILOW FAN!!!.....There, I've said it and I feel so much better.  The relief of not hiding it any longer, changing the station when someone get's in the car with me and "Mandy" is on. The relief that I no longer need to wear my Blondie Tee Shirt over my Barry Manilow Tour 1987 Tee Shirt.  FANILOW'S unite (or untie if you spell badly!)  Who doesn't feel good when Barry sings "Daybreak"!  I dare you to listen to Barry Manilow Live and not feel the need to clean and sing along (the soundtrack from Oklahoma also does that to me, but that is another Blog.)  Yes, I am a Alice Cooper, Sammy Hagar listening hybrid. Dear  3 1/2 there is room for all of my personalities in there!  We all know of my love for "The Biebster" and Donny Osmond....I can't help it....all the wholesomeness  makes me happy and takes me back to my childhood.  That is why I find lil ole Justin so darn appealing (I also like Justin Timberlake, but my thoughts are not that pure when it comes to him!).  I think I actually pissed someone off the other day when I compared the young "Biebster" to "The Great Donny Osmond" What I was trying to say is his music takes me back to a simpler time.  Ah well you can't please everyone all of the time...All I can say is kudos's to Mr. Manilow, Mr. Osmond and the young Master Bieber.  Let's have some more happy!!! There is plenty of time for Flo Rida and The Beastie Boys (went old school on ya there!)  Sometimes it's just about singing along and feeling good.  So...my random thought for the day is.....Don't hate the playa, hate the game!!!!  This was one of those random thoughts that I'm not sure if it fit's in with my rant, but I always wanted to use it!  Spend a few moments this weekend with the above mentioned artists.  You always can go back to the dark side (and no I don't mean country music, no offense to anyone as I've been to a few country music concerts myself).  I was referring to "The Dark side of the Moon"!!  Ok soooo speaking of pure and innocent here is my fun fact for the day.....Did you know that Kermit the Frog is left handed???  I'm not sure if we call it a "hand" but some crazy took the time to figure this out.  They were perhaps the same people who "outed' Bert and Ernie as Gay.  Have a great weekend my dears....and as John and Yoko put it so aptly in the 70's "Give Peace a Chance"   

I've got friends in strange places (stole the tune from Garth Brooks)

Mornin Sunshine's (ain't that crap...I don't shine until 12:30 and that's only if someone turns the light on!).  The other night I was online late playing a game and a lady came on that I don't know, but we play each others games.  We started talking and it turned into 15 min. conversation.  It was one of the nicest conversations I've had in a long time.  Found out we had a lot in common even though we've never met.  Years ago I met one of my best friends on a bus, we've since lost touch but for many years we were one and others confidants.  I was one of the nicest memories of I have of a friend.  I met one of my best friends at the video store he worked at and my other best friend at work.  Danny and I maintained a long distance relationship for over a year (and when I say long, I mean looonggg) he was across "the pond".  The Internet has made the world a very small place where we are all neighbors.  I've always kept an open mind about who and where I will find my friends.  If I put them all in one room you would be trying to figure out what we all had in common.  I think what we have in common is an open mind.  It didn't matter how old we were, what we did for a living, what we looked like.  Our hearts all recognized each other.  Sometimes I've looked at the most unlikely person and thought to myself "I need to be that person's friend".  Sometimes it's as simple as this person will enrich my life and I will learn something from them.  Now dear 3 1/2 face book followers it's not that I'm that deep, as we know I'm a silly girl who doesn't always use her common sense but I have learned over the years when someone else has that good heart.  When I was younger I picked people as friends that weren't always that nice.  God know why cause it was more combative than "friendly". Sometimes I was afraid I was going to be killed by "friendly fire" or at least that's what they'd say!  I guess you have to do that a few times to find out those people did not enrich your life.  Wow, that was way too deep!! I feel the need to crack a bad joke or something...definitely something that has to do with farting or pooping, but I will refrain!  My Random thought for the day comes courtesy of my sainted Danny....he always tells me "Strangers are just friends I haven't met yet!"!  I like that and it helps me keep and open mind.  Keep an open mind dear 3 1/2, you never know where it will lead you.  Now my fun fact ties in pretty well, because without it making friends would be very hard....did you know that like every one's finger prints every one's tongue is unique to themselves???  Now I know you all just went to the mirror and stuck your tongues out.  Yoko Ono used to do in the 70's what they called a "happening". We need to have our own, take a picture of our tongues and compare...that's what they called "av ant art" in the 70's...I like it!  So today, talk to someone you don't know in some weird place (just make sure the person it's a nose picker or something like that cause that's not a good sign!) and stick your tongue out at them (or just say Hi!)  Shalom for the day my dear 3 1/2.  I will finish with a quote from the great James Brown..."I got ant's in my pants and I gotta dance!" Doesn't mean jack shit about what I've just said...I just always wanted to use it in a sentence.  Be cool!

Cranky ole girl...

Hello followers, all 3 1/2 of us.  I have been in a cranky mood for the past few days.  Ask my sainted husband Daniel!  No good reason other than the fact that I'm old, impatient and going through the change.  I'm trying to look on the brightside of going through the change...and I'm sure there is one if I can ever see past the estrogen that is flashing before my eyes!  I only get small hot flashes of heat but I get MAJOR flashes of bitchiness!!!  I don't even like me!!!  I realize I'm not the first woman to go through this, even though we all know it's all about mememememememe!! I am suffering from "I'm the only person in the whole world syndrome", now usually this is a male malise, but I have claimed in now as our own in the name of all women everywhere who are in a bad mood! If there was a flag for this syndrome it would be a woman climing up a hill in red high heels and stepping over the poor sap standing next to her who tried to open the door for her! Mine would have a nice gin and tonic in her hand on the way up Mount Estrogen. I think that,and Xanax maybe the answer to menopause. There is no shame to better living through chemicals.  So my random thought for today is....WTF!!! Menopause for a woman who has never had a baby seems redundant....it's not like we were using those body parts for making babies.  God Bless all my sainted "sistha's" who have used those parts for making babies...someone had to do it and I'm just glad it wasn't me.  You all deserve medals...in the middle of menopause you still get to run a household, keep a job and marraige going and raise childen.  So...it seems as if the "the menopause" got me!!! I feel like my Grandma (god bless you Grandma Bessie!).  Perhaps the hormone levels will be better tomorrow and I will not feel the need to pull the nearest man's testicles up over his head, Don't worry Dan you are safe, I like you.  So...let me end with my fun fact for the day, which even this pisses me off....Did you know that brides started carrying bouquet's of flowers on their wedding day to mask bad body odor???? Well if that's not crap...Men back then must have smelled bad too!!!! What did they carry??  It was our job to smell good??? ooppps sorry there goes the hormones again...I'm not man bashing by any means I'm an equal opportunity crank to all sexes. Have a great evening my dears and if you hear howling tonight it's just me baying at the moon.....because I can!!!!!!!!!!!!   Ciao Bella!   Pammy   

Common Courtsey

Hello my 3 1/2 flollowers (I only count as a half, but like to acknowlege myself).  I've been thinking alot about alot of things and some of this crap really get's on my shit, so I will now share with you!  I am very irriated with the generations of young people who don't feel the need to say "Please, thank you and excuse me".  As we've talked about before I'm getting older and disrespectful people piss me off.  My Mom and Dad (God Bless their souls) taught me manners.  They were drilled in to our heads.  To the day they died either Mom or Daddy could just give me a look and no matter how old I was I was aware they thought I was not using my manners.  Lois often said "Pamela Joyce, I did not raise you that way".  Not that I was a saint, but from the time I was young I used my "manner" words, I held doors open and basically tried to be a good Girl Scout, especially when it came to my elders.  I could still be a pain in the butt and not always nice, but I tried and I knew the proper thing to do.  It's paid off in my later life.  It made me more respectful at work, I called people Mr. and Mrs. until they told me otherwise and it taught me to be respectful of friends (who did not always return the favor, but then I figure they were raised by wolves).  I hear horrible things on the news about people shooting peoples car window's out because they cut them off...disrepect has been taken to a whole new level.  If I took out all the frustrations I had in a disrespectful way there would be alot of people limping around and driving cars that looked like they joined the demolition derby.  Sherry, I know you have manners like me cause remember how we had trouble walking through a door together, "no you go, no you go" it's a miracle we made it back from lunch and up the elevator into the office!  Ahh well, I don't know if I have the right to comment on other generations as I have chosen not to procreate and have no clue how to teach a child these things.  The only role models I have are my Mom and Dad.  I think they did pretty good in the manners department.  So basically to anyone I might not have used my manners and manner words in my youth I truly and deeply apologize to you ( no, I'm not going through a 12 step program that makes me say I'm sorry to everyone!).  Self awareness is an interesting thing to go through and you seem to do it in stages at different times in you life....Random thought (and I stole) for every action there is a reaction.  Keep that in mind the next time someone cuts you off or doesn't say please or thank you.  Like Earl said "Karma is a bitch"!  OK...so enough of my sermon for the day...bless you all, and please don't think I'm being sacrilegious!  Here is our fun fact for the day and its a Pittsburgh fun fact and actually has a tie to my ex-family (that would be Griselda and Maude, the evil sisters!)here it is....First Mr Yuk Sticker - 1971
Mr Yuk was created at the Poison Center at Children's Hospital of Pittsburgh after research indicated that the skull and crossbones previously used to identify poisons had little meaning to children who equate the symbol with exciting things like pirates and adventure. Dr. Richard Moriarty created him and Griselda (the Murrysville Matron (no offensive to Murrysville) Donna, was Dr. Moriarty's first office manager and was there helping with starting the Mr. Yuk program and the First Poison Center in the United States.  We used to call her Mrs. Yuk....I think we were right!  When Danny reads this I'm gonna catch hell cause he hates it when I use "my bitter words"...but hey...felt like it!  Perhaps today I need to listen to some Elvis Gospel music so I work out my issues..."Peace in the Valley" might help!  Hope you enjoyed it or not!  Have a great evening....Word to your Mother (Vanilla Ice!)  Pammy

How old am I and how did I get here.

Good Morning all..still trying to figure out why only a few people can place comments (today I can't even place them on my own blog, because I became my own follower to see!) Oh well, it's not going to shut me up, I feel the need, the need to speak (ok, I stole it from Top Gun, but I gotta talk, not go fast!) I've been thinking a bit about my age lately.  I have a friend who has a 10 year old child, she calls me Oldielocks! The kid is funny and quick, but it makes me think.  I guess I am old by 10 year old standards.  I remember in the 80's and even the 70's I was considered cool.  In the 70's I wanted to save the world and wished I was old enough to protest something, anthing, but I was still in my teens.  In the 80's I loved the glam.  Annie Lennox red hair spiked to kill,cut short with a tail that went down my back braided (do you remember that Tracey Smith??) in my opinion I was way cool.  Maybe I was the only one who thought so, but hey, it only really mattered to me at that age.  Now I'm in my 50's.  I don't look bad for an old broad in my opinion and my husbands, but I finally realized I am old enough to be some one's grandma (that's another "love" name my friend's child and her friends call me)! I don't mind, it just made me think.  I may not be able to wear my high heels any longer because of bad knees and I might find a gray hair or two every now and then, actually I find a gray eyebrow, but in the long run I don't feel any older than 25.  My body tells me otherwise many days.  I still listen to Def Leppard, David Bowie and The Beatles (and God almighty, John Lennon would have been 70 the other day!)  I love a good concert and I think Justin Bieber is as cute as Apple pie (OK, I'm not a perve, I just have Bieber Fever!) The joy fullness of a young person enjoying what they do and making other young people feel that is so wonderful to watch.  So I guess my random thought for the day is....IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER (courtesy of Bill Murray in Meatballs)  I think I sound more like Andy Rooney than Jack Handy! Oh well.   So here's my fun useless fact for the day, did you know that you can't snore and dream at the same time??? My husband is praying for dreams for me!!! Thanks for reading or not. Going to listen to Billy Idol...Peace out  xoxxo Pam

GRRRRRR

Ok folks...I'm officially frustrated...I can place comments, my new and only follower besides my husband, Michelle can place comments (Hi Michelle). My husband can't place comments and you guys have been telling me you can't place comments.  Let's face it...I'm not the sharpest tack in the box but I have a working knowledge of a computer...I keep reading the help articles and perhaps I'm getting old (no comment necessary on that one!) but I can't make heads or tails out of "how to allow people to make comments on your posts" Michelle you must know something the rest of us don't!!!!  My store house of useless information is stalled because all I can think about is how someone can place a post!! Blogspot said setting this up would be as easy as 1,2,3....well they don't know me and I usually need 4,5 and 6 to explain 1,2 and 3...If anyone has any clues enlighten me...Not that I really think that anyone will really be that interested in what I have to say and actually comment, but I'm hoping so...Oh well...back to the reading and reading and then reading some more of the easy 1,2,3 instructions.  Pray for me!

HELP!!!

I am having an issue in allowing people to post comments to my blog....does anybody know how in the world to do this??please send me an email at pambshore@comcast.net if you can help me!!!

It's Monday (like we don't all know that! duhhh)

Yay!!! I actually have a follower (Thank you new follower Michelle)!! My friend Maureen sent me message saying she had read it and was going to follow it...yay again!  I'm still trying to figure out why all of a sudden I need and want to be heard...I think because for many years I didn't want to draw attention to myself.  I have to admit all the stuff in the news about children and young people killing themselves because of bullying has sparked some of this for me. My random thoughts often extend to something with substance (hard to believe). I was a victim of childhood bullying and being bullied in the work place as an adult.  I have never hidden this fact but only talk about it to a few people.  So there...I think I've just come out of the "being bullied closet"! This would be were I would like to "thank" all the bully's from grade school on up and from a company that shall not be named for making me what I am.  They made me a kinder more understanding person (with several body ticks!).  I understand how some of those children and young adults felt. The hardest thing to understand at that time is that it is not your fault.  I actually had school personnel and supervisors (and in the case of work it was the supervisors doing the bullying) tell me it was my own fault because I didn't fit into the mold of what everyone thought was acceptable.  Here's one of my random thoughts for the day....be yourself no matter what.  I had a very good friend pay me what I think it the nicest complement she said "Pam, you are unique!" Thank you Tracey Smith for that! It kept me going and made me proud and happy I wasn't like everyone else.  I know in our lives we have all felt pushed around, bullied or taken advantage of.  I hope we can teach our children someday to be in control in a positive manner.  That it doesn't involve abuse of another human being.  AHHHHH...alot to get off my chest this morning!!!  On a lighter note...I do have an amusing "fun fact" for the day courtesy of my friend Tekla...here goes...a Pig as an orgasm that lasts a minimum of 30 minutes!!!! That must be one tired pig! Have a interesting Monday.  I don't like to say "have a good day" cause I hate to be told what kind of day to have! Just enjoy at whatever level you like to.  Peace.

I've done it!!!

I've actually told people I'm going to blog...let's see if I set this thing up right and people can actually post!!

New blogger

Well, I never thought in a million years I would need to share all my random thoughts with anyone other than myself and my husband...I was wrong.  I have always called myself a storehouse of useless information and I think that is truly what I am.  I'm hoping that some days I will have something to say that will not only help me collect my thoughts, but perhaps say something that makes someone say....AHHH! My dear husband and I always play a game that is "fun fact for the day" ...Well I do have an all time fun fact that I like to share with people...did you know that you have goosebumps where your ancestors used to have hair???? Told you I was a storehouse of useless info!!! Well...come back if you want. I'd love to hear from you!