"Oopps, I did it again!" as in the Brittany Spears song.

Hello ma Peeps! What's shakin? Really not much here which is why I haven't posted for awhile. Danny and I just got home from a wonderful trip from Williamsburg Va and Washington DC. I think it was one of the nicest vacations I'd ever had in my life. You know, sometimes I know the answer to questions I really wasn't going to ask. The question was going to be, "why had I not heard from the sisters in over a year?", The sisters and I had made a feeble attempt to reconcile in form of Birthday and Holiday cards. It was a test. Not one I took willingly, but out of obligation to my parents. I felt my Dad would be really upset if I didn't try. We failed. I didn't try with a good heart because I knew emotionally I had given up years ago. Let's just say, my blunt blog words were read and not appreciated. I came back from vacation to a little letter telling me so. Oh well. Found it interesting they were looking for me. I was only being polite with the cards and I should have followed my heart and just do what it told me to do. Don't get involved.. Perhaps it would have been kinder not to send cards in case there was any emotion left on anyone's plate. I guess that was still the "pleaser" part of me that conformed. You know, there is a very fine line between love and hate and people often say hate is love gone bad. Sometimes we don't like people because they are too much like ourselves. I don't hate, I dislike. I am clear on the fact that I like and love me and that I do have peace. Yes, there is peace in forgiveness and I have that peace. I go to bed at night with a very clear consicience and wake up with one as well. There is nothing left for anyone one to forgive. It is what it is and sometimes it's gotta be that way. I am at peace and you should be as well just as I told you that day in Sams. I wish you both wonderful, long, love filled lives. As Mr. Spock would have said ladies.."live long and prosper". I mean it with all my heart. Anymore, I do a pretty good job of pissing people off with my words. It doesn't mean i'm mean or unhappy it just means I don't overthink everything I say, said or am going to say. You know what, for me that's ok. Pam

Another Saturday memory lane visit

Saturday's, especially rainy Saturday's bring back so many different memory's from growing up in the 60"s. First off Saturday meant chores. Nothing else got done until we completed our chore's. We all worked together and by 12 noon we were done. Then, it was fun time. If it was lousy weather and you weren't going out to play there was always music and TV. The Four Top's REACH OUT and Manfred Mann's DOO WA DIDDY (written by an unknown song writer by the name of Bruce Springsteen, wonder what happened to that guy?) reminds me of Saturdays as does BARE FOOTIN by James Brown. "I got ant's in my pant's and I gotta dance!" My favorite James Brown quote, yes, I have a favorite James Brown quote! Then there was......wait for it......BEACH BLANKET movies!!!! Lordy how I looked forward to Frannkie and Annette! Beach Blanket Bingo, How to Stuff a Wild Bikini and one of my all time favorites, Ghost in The Invisible Bikini! Simple, sweet, fun love story's. Boy meets girl. Boy pisses off girl. Girl makes boy jealous. Everyone sang and danced in the sand or sometimes the snow and boy and girl reunite! All done with Eric Von Zipper floating in and out. Any of you who were Beach movie fans will know who "The Zipper" was and what happened when he gave you THE FINGER, no, not that finger, the index finger! Frankie left Annette's Bikini and virtue in tack. There fight's were usually about Frankie looking at another girl, which was a TOTAL misunderstanding because Frankie was truly in love with Annette. Not only did we have Frankie and Annette, but we had Tommy Kirk and Deborah Walley. You were intoduced other older, famous movie stars like Boris Karloff, Robert Cummings, Buster Keaton and Patsy Kelley. I'm sure, some of those movie stars wished they never made those movies, but they made so many of us happy. Also, you had to have some adults somewhere so it might as well be Boris Karloff! Sometimes, if you were really lucky, at least in my book, you would get the British equivalent of these kinds of movies. Cliff Richards, now Sir Cliff Richards, in Summer Holiday. "we're all going on a summer holiday....". Ahhhh such wonderful times. So here I sit, Saturday. No Four Tops or James Brown. Watching Haunted History on TV and just praying for a Beach Blanket Movie. I think I need to go to the DVD store!!!! Have a wonderful Saturday all and if you are flipping a channel and find a Frankie and Annette movie....CALL ME!!! xoxox Pammy P.S. Eric Von Zipper....I love you! Photo via Who's Dating Who

Sublime Saturday

How sublime Saturday's were when we were young. The wonderful feeling when you woke up and knew you didn't have to go to school. They were filled with a few chores, cartoon's, dance lessons, and music. Yay, Pizza for lunch! We had Jackie Gleason and Carol Burnett to look forward to on Saturday night TV. If you were old AND lucky enough to stay up late in the Pittsburgh area there was Chiller Theater on at 11:30 with Chilly Billy Cardille! Sunday was a different feeling as you knew the weekend was coming to an end. We had church and family dinners. You always had Family Movie Album at 5:30. Bedtime was 7:30 but Ed Sullivan was on later in the evening. I used to turn my black and white TV in my room way down low to watch. I know my parents knew I was awake. What can I say, I grew up in a time when TV was king. As I yawned to fall asleep I knew free time was over and it was back to business, or in my case, school as usual. I often think I want a fairy door. It's one of the little doors you place in your woodwork and when you are FINALLY able to go through it you will be in a magical land. Sometimes I want to lay by the fairy door and close my eyes and concentrate very hard (squished my eyes tight closed right now!) to see if I can get there. Wouldn't it be wonderful to walk through that door and see where it takes you? I want to think that I'd go back to those sublime Saturdays.....keep dreaming. xoxoxo Pamturday

The Power

Hello my dear 6 1/2 followers. It used to bother me that only a few people followed my blog, but it doesn't any longer. I finally figured it out that I don't write this for anyone than me. If It happens to have someone read it and it hits a nerve, funny, sad or otherwise that's great. Usually I have a fun fact or something we can all learn about. Right now I haven't felt too much like looking for a fun fact. I just feel like sitting down and writing my feelings. Some people may feel it's B.O.R.I.N.G, but that as Bobby Brown would say is "MY PREROGATIVE"! As many of my dear followers and friends know I've have been fighting a debilitating depression along with anxiety and panic attacks for sometime now. In the past few months they have improved somewhat. I still have my morning and nights where I wake up and feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin and just want to sit and cry my eyes out. Some days, waking me up like this exhausts me before I even get out of bed. If one of my dog's startles me awake or if the phone rings to wake me up I actually shake. Daniel has an alarm that plays Emeinem's I'M NOT AFRAID. Well, I am, it scares the shit outa me every morning. I have my day's where I wake up and think, Oh Lord, do I have to face the day. I know I'm lucky as many people have to face this while still working and I did for many years. The fact is, I DO want to face the day. I want to get on with my life and live it to the best of my ability. Just like everyone in the world does I have my set backs and I have things that help set me back. I work very hard to not let this happen, but sometimes it's out of my control. The news can hurt me, peoples cruelty to one and other can hurt me. People who direct their anger at me can hurt me. I just keep telling myself, I DO not have to buy into it. Easier said than done. It always plays on my insecurities. Doesn't matter what anyone says, we all have them. I immediately turn into the 5 year old on the playground that no one will play with. I've had a little set back in the past week or so. I can always tell it's happening as I'm overly tired, emotional and bitchy. Ask Danny! It"s about me...me...me and all ME!! At this moment I've only been up since 7am and I'm already tired. I feel like I need to sit here and close my eyes. Perhaps today I will indulge myself and just snooze. I think that's the only thing I will be good for! I guess the moral of this little blog is to pay attention to the people in your life, they may not just be bitchy, but often is something we can control. I know it's time to stop writing as my eyes keep going closes. So, go out there, hug someone who's Bipolar or even just a bit off. I know I could use one today. Have a great day all, and tomorrow I will try to be back on my game and write something that will makes us all laugh! xoxox Pammy

Life

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."....Ferris Bueller. No truer words were ever spoken. This sentiment has come out in various forms through out the years. John Lennon stated "life is what happens while you're busy making other plans" . then there is the ever popular "stop and smell the roses". It is a cliche that is widely used to advise people to slow down and savor life. The origin of this quote is not exactly know, but believed to have started here in the United States. The common theme of these quotes is basically that we put blinders on when moving at such a quick pace and perhaps an amazing slice of life has floated by. I don't want to miss any part of this life. I want to present for all the happiness, the sadness, the pain and the anger. I never want to cheat myself by missing any part of the human condition.I will not accept "what ifs" in my life. I have the ultimate control over the direction I take. Sometimes it feels like my compass is broken, other times I know I am just not reading it correctly. My compass is fine, my perspective needs adjusted! I have been lucky through out the years to have many amazing people pass through. Some have stayed and others were just here for a short visit. It's not always the length of the visit that counts, but what you do with the time. I'd like to think that someday, someone may reflect upon me and say," I only knew her briefly, but the tattoo she left on my life was unique". Unique is the best I always hope for. I had the ultimate compliment paid to me in my late 20's by a young lady who was only in her late teens. We worked together in an extremely cut throat atmosphere where I refused to buckle down and conform. Needless to say this did not make my life easy. After one day that had gone very badly Tracey looked at me and said "you are the most unique person I have ever know". Now some people might have been offended by that. I was not. It made me happier than anything anyone had ever said to me. It had been a long day of fighting for what I thought was fair and right and felt fairly downtrodden. This buoyed my spirits and gave me the charge to go on and fight another day. All these years later I still hold onto that compliment. Why did it do that for me? Well, it told me that no one thought I was a lemming. I NEVER want to be the lemming that just follows the leader. The winds are moving my compass needle around. I maybe older but I still feel like I have a long journey ahead of me. I'm planning on enjoying every second of it. Right now, I need to go to my "garden" smell the roses. sit under a tree and help draw the tattoo that my life will be responsible for. I'm going to make sure it's an AMAZING tattoo. I wish you all peace. xoxoxo Pammy

Family

My Family. I have been given so many wonderful gifts in my life that most of them are too numerous to mention. I always tell people that my husband, Danny, is the best Christmas gift I ever got to keep. There was no wrapping necessary, just a kind, honest soul with beautiful eyes who looked at me with love. I consider him to not only my gift from God, but from his family who so generously share him with me. After my parents passed away and my sister's left my life I felt a bit lost. Of course, there was my rock, my Danny, standing next to me and often holding me up. I have to admit I was sad that there was no longer anyone I could look in the face and see myself and say, I share blood with that person. I was so wrong. My Father, Jim, has a younger sister Marybelle. Aunt Marybelle has bee married for over 60 years to my Uncle Sam, who is the most handsome man I've ever known! They are both in their 80's. When first Dad and then Mom died they made it very clear to me I was theirs. I always had been theirs, but now it was different. I am known as daughter 2 1/2! This always makes me giggle and I feel so proud that I am 2 1/2. Aunt Marybelle and Uncle Sam have three wonderful children, Rosemary, Debbie and Sam. Rosemary is just as sweet, gentle and beautiful as my Aunt Marybelle and always makes me feel loved. My cousin Debbie calls me "sis". I think Debbie might fight a physical fight for me if necessary. She would win! Then there is my cousin Sam. Sam is closest to my age. I am 5 months older than he his. I never felt older than Sam and he probably doesn't know it but I always looked up to him. Sam, like his father grew up to be a police officer. He also grew up to be a fine, upstanding man and I'm proud to call him my family. All of my cousins have had children and in Debbie's case grandchildren. Yesterday we all gathered together for my second cousin, Dylan's graduation party. He is the son of Stacy, who is Debbie's daughter. I can never think of Debbie as "grandma" as she is still one of the coolest, pretties ladies I have ever know. Grandma she is,and such a good one. It was a great party and I left with a warm cozy, safe feeling. Aunt Marybelle and Uncle Sam have raised some of the finest children and grandchildren and great grandchildren our world could have. My cousins have spouses and partners who are just as loving and amazing. Their children are just dears to me. The best part is, THEY LOVE ME! As for me, I ADORE THEM. I laugh with them, I cry with them and I thank God everyday I belong to them and they belong to me. How much luckier can one woman be. A loving husband and a family there by my side letting me know I will always be theirs. I wish I could tell you about each of my cousins individually, but we would be here all day. I will tell you there is Tommy and Emily, Stacy and Paul, Ian and Joanne. Bucky, Lisa and Darryl. Dylan, Bryan, Michael, Kyra, Nicole, Mia, Blake and Troy. I hope to the Lord I didn't forget to mention anyone. I wanted to put a name to all of them and tell all of you what an amazing family I have. All of my cousins love their children ferociously. I love them back the same way. In a few weeks we will all gather again to celebrate the marriage of Michael, Sam and Lisa's son to a beautiful and smart young lady named Kyra. I am honored to be there and be apart of this special occasion. So much to look forward to and I just smile thinking of it. A special note to my cousin Sammy, we still look alike no matter how old we get to be. That's great cause we are both so darn good looking! With much love and respect. Pammy.

Etan Patz

May 25th NATIONAL MISSING CHILDREN'S DAY On May 25th 1979 a beautiful 6 year old child by the name of Etan Patz went missing from his SoHo neighborhood in New York City. It was the first time ever his Mom let him walk the block to his school bus stop alone. Almost 34 years later there maybe a break in this case that is going to give his parents, Stan and Julie Patz some much needed closure. A clerk from a neighborhood convenience store admitted to luring the child into the store with soda pop and then took him to the basement and strangled him. He disposed of this baby's body by placing him in a cardboard box and left it in an alley for the Trash men to dispose of. HE LEFT THIS SWEET BABY OUT FOR TRASH! At least twice during this man's life he admitted to a clergy and a family member that he killed a child in New York City, but never gave details or a name. This event ushered in the era of never leaving your child unsupervised, and Etan became the first youngster ever to be depicted on a milk carton along with information about him. I'm sure Julie Patz could never envision what a difference this morning would bring to the world or to her life. The carton movement started in to bring attention to the plight of missing children. After all, what child doesn't eat cereal in the morning and their parents pour the milk from a carton. It was reaching a wide spectrum of people. As horrific an event this was, this movement has helped many parents locate their children. We must all admit that the milk carton effort is one of the very positive things to come from this sad, sad event. In all the horror of the events of that day there are many things that people tried to do to a negative into a positive. Foremost, Stan and Julie Patz. In all of these 34 years they have never moved from the apartment they lived in with Etan, nor did they change the phone number in hopes that Etan was still alive and might someday try to contact them. Mrs. Patz must live every single day of her life with a what if...? She can't change it and it must be a horrible burden to live with. She does know that she never turned the light out on her child. He was somewhere. He was loved. John Walsh is a force of nature. After his son, Adam was abducted and killed in 1981, John because the voice of every parent who has this happen AND for the true victims, the children. Along with his wife, Reve founded THE NATIONAL CENTER FOR MISSING AND EXPLOITED CHILDREN. He has brought many a criminal to justice. On 5/25/83 President Ronald Regan declared it NATIONAL MISSING CHILDREN DAY, then in 1984, Congress passed THE MISSING CHILDREN'S ASSISTANCE ACT.New York City District Attorney, Cy Vance reopened this investigation after some of the hundreds of tips that still came in yearly proved to be from credible sources. Collectively, all of these people exhibited the best of humanity at a time that the worst was taking hold. In 2001 The Patz family had Etan declared dead. Yes, Julie and Stan will have the closure of knowing what happened to their child but will never ever be able to put him physically to rest. I do wonder if that is enough comfort for them. So, today,on this NATIONAL MISSING CHILDREN'S DAY, hug your child, hold them close and thank God for their safety and the kindness of others that are helping to keep them safe. To quote Anne Frank" Despite everything, I believe that people are really good at heart." Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/a/anne_frank.html#Gphcpt07rt3h4FBB.99. In memory of Etan Patz and Adam Walsh Respectfully, Pam Beattie-Shore Souces include Brainy Quotes, People Finders and The Associated Press.