"The Song Remains the Same"........Thank you Led Zepplin!

Bonjour my peeps! Hope life is treating all of you well and fair...??? My postings have been far between as I've just been mulling life over and the smoke that was coming out of my ears left me slightly blind and asthmatic. You know I must share this little thought with you, I thought that life would be a piece of cake after High School. No more oral reports or bullies to deal with. Boy was I wrong! No matter what your situation is, life is hard. Of course life did not come with any guarantee of being simple and problem free. I think even though it's hard that must be what keeps us all going and makes it interesting. How else would people write all those wonderful books if not from amazing life experiences, good and bad. Often though, I do wonder what drives Stephen King to write his stories, but then that's a whole other story! Oral reports still come in various shapes and forms, be it bitchin out the Electric Company or giving a loved one a piece of your mind, or what passes for your mind somedays. The thing is, we don't take the time to write it down like we did in school! Perhaps we should write things down before we discuss them. No matter how well thought out your words are you can't always convey them in the manner your would like. We all become a bit tounge tied, nod to Noreen who actually explained to me what that medical term means! I think before discussing things with anyone I'm going to start writing lists that way I can say things as I would really like to without being taken the wrong way. Just imagine going to the Grocery Store and at the check out pulling out not your grocery list, but que cards on how to conduct a decent conversation. It would slow us all down and stop us from rash words. Of course. the grocery store clerk would be thinking why me lord???? I always get the nutcases. I think I'd rather be a kind nutcase than a rude customer. When I worked and was in customer service I found that the anonimity of the phone allowed people to say horrible things to me that perhaps they would not say to my face. I've been called everything from a Bitch to a "5 dollar an hour girl"! Believe me, I didn't get out of bed for $5 dollars and hour! As for bullies, they are ever present no matter how old you are. I had a friend say something to me yesterday that made a big impact on me. She told me that bullies are actually very unhappy people. Now I have to admit I never thought of it that way. I always thought that a bully was just someone who was happy go lucky and really didn't care what they said or did to people because in their little happy world their actions and words didn't matter because they were so superior to the rest of us. I guess I was wrong and that was the thing that made me go hmmmmmmm. It's always good no matter how old you are to go hmmmmm especially about things that you have old pre-concieved notions about. Hard as it maybe to believe my dear reader, it took me 52 years to come to that realization. Even in our everyday life we look for the weakest of the heard. Doesn't matter how nice you are it seems to me everyone is looking for someone to feel superior to. My goal from here forward is to think before I speak and always to remember that God did make us all equal. I want to be a more kind, caring, understanding person. I want to always keep in mind that it's not all about me (even though in a perfect world it would be all about me!). That's a hard think to accept, that fact that the sun and moon doesn't shine outa my butt. I realize I have been working on this for a very long time and now in my latter years I am truly trying to put it to work. I am a work in progress and as a poster said so aptly in the 70's "God doesn't make junk" with a picture of a little forlorn person below the caption. Well....I'm not junk. I've made good choices and bad choices, but all my choices have made me who I am. Sometimes our choices can be hard to live with and eat us up inside. Do you know I still feel guilty for something I did in 6th Grade??? warped, right? I'll tell you what it is and I've only ever told one other person this and that was my dear Evelyn and it was just the other day. When I was in 6th grade right after the Memorial Day weekend a classmate was killed in a car accident. Well in the dark ages when I grew up they didn't have things like grief counslers who came to your school to explain things to you. Here we are, all 12 and under in age and the teachers have quite uncermoinously tell us a classmate had not only died but died in a horrible car accident. Not sparing the details that it was a disfiguring ugly accident and that this child was probably better off dead. Well, imagine the impact not only on the sensitive but the bullies. So, here's where my guilt comes in. There was a cemetary right across from the little school I went to, it's where my grandparents are buried and where they were going to lay this poor little child to rest. Well, mild mannered, mousey little ole me led a group of students off of school grounds over to the cemetary to pay our respects to our classmate. Imagine the termoil we caused and came back to. Teachers screaming, most of the group crying, not because we were in trouble, but because it was such a life altering experience. They told us they were going to call our parents and that severe action would be taken and it would be on "gasp" our permanent record!!! Now, we were only a few days from the last day of school and it was the 6th graders last year at this school. Do you know to this day, I'm still afraid someone is going to call my Mom and tell here what I did, but I do doubt it will have the same impact as she's dead too and I'm 52 (couldn't help the little rime)! Also, your permanent record is a myth unless you were a nut job in school. So I guess we all do have permanent records as I don't know many sane people. So back to choices. What I've learned is good, bad or indiferent we learn to live with our choices. Some are harder than others and life is a trade off when it comes to choices. Guilt does nothing but kill you. You have to move forward. Now here is how the title of my blog ties in "The Song Remains the Same" is a song by the English group Led Zepplin. It is the opening track to their 1973 album Houses of the Holy. What I am taking from that is the song is the same as it was as child as is it now. We just have bigger problems and issues to deal with and they effect many more people. Deal with them as we will. With Grace and dignity and with know that our choices are not always right but they are the choices we made and we need to make the best of them. I will continue in my quest to be a good person. Somedays I fail. Somedays we all fail. But then there are the days were all the planet's align and God smiles on us and you realize life is good...such a simple thing,life if good. Well dahlings, i'm sure I have bored you all enough with my ramblings and I thank you for reading this and give you much credit it you made the whole way through it. Have a wonderful day, also whenever I go to the cemetary I leave a flower on the grave of my fallen classmate. Do that perhaps someday for someone you don't know. I will do your heart good. xoxoxox to all of you!!! Your Servant....Pammy