"Love is a many splendored thing..." song lyrics by Sammy Fain & Paul Francis Webster

Waz up mah bitches (i'm feeling a little "street" today and always wanted to say that anyway!!!!! LOVE...what a strong and powerful word. My muddled,complex and strange mind has been thinking about love allot, but then who doesn't whether or not we want to admit it. It really is the cornerstone of what keeps us and the universe going in my humble opinion. Now as we know, I don't really think in terms that are cohesive, but I had an experience the other morning that really stopped me and made me think about all different kinds of love and even hate for that matter. Do you know they say you can't truly hate someone unless you have loved them. It show's the power of this emotion. So..what happened was...Danny and I often sleep to TV or our IPOD in a docking station. It helps me sleep. Well, the other night my little IPOD shuffle was not charged enough so we used Danny's big fancy schmancy IPOD to listen to. Now my play list is a scary place to be because one moment you might be listening to Duran Duran and next moment here comes Perry Como and Sarah Vaughan. I pick and chose what tracks I want to listen to! Dan's IPOD is a bit more complex. He has complete albums (see how old I am...I call them albums!) Anyway, we both listen to all kinds of things. I have some rap on mine, Dan has more of it than I do. Dan loves song lyrics and the depth and emotion they show as do I. Anyhoo, I woke up about 5:30 am as Danny got out of bed. I found myself waking up to a song by Eminem aka Marshall Mathers. It is called "So Long" and it depicts the violent death of his now ex-wife, Kim at his hands (and ya wonder why they are divorced???). Now Kim actually sued Marshall over this song and I understand why. I found the lyrics so disturbing I was afraid to get out of bed or move let alone even give you a sample of them here.I figure if you want you can google them for those who don't know it. I believe in the eyes of the law the words would be considered "making terroristic threats" which covers many types of things, it doesn't just mean you are going to blow up a building or set a bomb off in a public place. I did look it up and she sued him for defimation of character. This is not a new song it was released in 2000 and I was more than aware of it's existance. I have always chosen not to listen to it. I feel you are the one who has the ultimate censorship control, not the goverment. Belive me, Tipper Gore really pissed me off in the 80's when she tried to get the government to put warning labels on albums. I felt she was stepping on peoples first amendment rights. So did Dee Snider from Twisted Sister and even white bread country boy John Denver, both who testifed before congress on behalf of freedom of speech and expression as did many other artist. In the late 90's I went as far as to defend Marilyn Manson with his violent and misogynistic images and lyrics. I called him "Alice Cooper light" He was still trying on his sister's training bra's when Alice was helping to invent the genre! Now why in my old soul could I not relate this type of expression to Eminem's violent and disturbing lyrics? I don't know, I do just know I felt violated by listening to them. I felt like I needed a shower! Now when my sainted Danny came back to bed we had a discussion about this song. Daniel in no way shape or form supports violence or the abuse of anyone, but I must say, just as I might have done sometime ago defended Marshall's right and motivation for writing this song. It really does relate back to the thin line between love and hate. I understand what he was saying and his point but here I am thinking hmmmm (this is our hmmm moment my dear 6 1/2) why do I suddenly understand Tipper Gore's feelings. It doesn't mean I support her or her actions which I still find confusing as an American. I believe in the First Amendment and the power and freedom it gives us, a freedom that not everyone in this crazy world is allowed to have. Lord know's I listened to every kind of music there was as a child. David Bowie, Kiss, Alice Cooper. They never left me feeling violated. Yes, they said dirty dirty things and had nasty imagaery, but damn it they said it so pretty sometimes. Not that it made it right, it was just sugar coated. Kiss sang songs like Plaster Caster, and Meet Meet ya in the Ladies Room. Now they were not making plaster casts of their hands and they didn't have to pee really bad so they used the ladies room! Alice was busy cutting his head off and Ozzy was biting bat's (which was actually a bird). Yup, twisted, perhaps wrong but their right to depict. I gues what i'm saying is I want my ugly stuff sugar coated!!! I also like my history clean, no one smelled or wore rags! I know that all these things exsists, but I need it put in a context that won't freak me out! I also know because of the First Amendment (and thank God for it) this will not happen. It just show's me the ultimate control I personally have over censorship. You censor yourself in my opinion. You can't take it, turn it off. So Marshall, I hated your song, not that you give a rat's ass and I will never listen to it again. I do listen to your other stuff and enjoy it. This was just such a powerful experience for me that I felt the need to share it, perhaps to much to some peoples dismay, but then again...click off it if you don't like it. Enforce your right to censor. This blog started off in a very different direction. I intended to write about the media and how they depict all types of love. Love of family, of country. Love between a child and parent and a man and a woman but here I ended up talking about Eminem, Alice Cooper, John Denver (who probably never thought he'd be mention in the same sentence as some of these artist) and freedom of speech. I still feel it comes back to love...it's complex and powerful and often takes us to places we never thought or intended to go. We do things for love that are amazing and sometimes scary. I guess that was what I learned from Eminem's song. I can't relate to that kind of anger, but he had to say what he said for himself, and his ex had to do what she did. As the Beatles put it "All you need is love". Yes, you do, but it encompasses so many things. I also heard something that made me laugh but actually is really twisted and it came from all things the program "Hot in Cleveland" the one character said if you love something let it go, but she prefered to lock them up in a basement and feed him through a slot until he saw things her way!!! Now that's some scary shit given through what would be considers a fairly benign medium...and just as bad as Eminem's little ditty!. Let me leave you with this fun little fact did ya know tha Men who kiss their wives in the morning live five years longer than those who don't. So guys take heed, even if you are not in the mood smooch her up!! So, bud's Peace out...keep and open mind and excersice your control. Only you can prevent forest fires (woods of wisdom from Smokey the Bear)! xoxxo Pammy

"The Song Remains the Same"........Thank you Led Zepplin!

Bonjour my peeps! Hope life is treating all of you well and fair...??? My postings have been far between as I've just been mulling life over and the smoke that was coming out of my ears left me slightly blind and asthmatic. You know I must share this little thought with you, I thought that life would be a piece of cake after High School. No more oral reports or bullies to deal with. Boy was I wrong! No matter what your situation is, life is hard. Of course life did not come with any guarantee of being simple and problem free. I think even though it's hard that must be what keeps us all going and makes it interesting. How else would people write all those wonderful books if not from amazing life experiences, good and bad. Often though, I do wonder what drives Stephen King to write his stories, but then that's a whole other story! Oral reports still come in various shapes and forms, be it bitchin out the Electric Company or giving a loved one a piece of your mind, or what passes for your mind somedays. The thing is, we don't take the time to write it down like we did in school! Perhaps we should write things down before we discuss them. No matter how well thought out your words are you can't always convey them in the manner your would like. We all become a bit tounge tied, nod to Noreen who actually explained to me what that medical term means! I think before discussing things with anyone I'm going to start writing lists that way I can say things as I would really like to without being taken the wrong way. Just imagine going to the Grocery Store and at the check out pulling out not your grocery list, but que cards on how to conduct a decent conversation. It would slow us all down and stop us from rash words. Of course. the grocery store clerk would be thinking why me lord???? I always get the nutcases. I think I'd rather be a kind nutcase than a rude customer. When I worked and was in customer service I found that the anonimity of the phone allowed people to say horrible things to me that perhaps they would not say to my face. I've been called everything from a Bitch to a "5 dollar an hour girl"! Believe me, I didn't get out of bed for $5 dollars and hour! As for bullies, they are ever present no matter how old you are. I had a friend say something to me yesterday that made a big impact on me. She told me that bullies are actually very unhappy people. Now I have to admit I never thought of it that way. I always thought that a bully was just someone who was happy go lucky and really didn't care what they said or did to people because in their little happy world their actions and words didn't matter because they were so superior to the rest of us. I guess I was wrong and that was the thing that made me go hmmmmmmm. It's always good no matter how old you are to go hmmmmm especially about things that you have old pre-concieved notions about. Hard as it maybe to believe my dear reader, it took me 52 years to come to that realization. Even in our everyday life we look for the weakest of the heard. Doesn't matter how nice you are it seems to me everyone is looking for someone to feel superior to. My goal from here forward is to think before I speak and always to remember that God did make us all equal. I want to be a more kind, caring, understanding person. I want to always keep in mind that it's not all about me (even though in a perfect world it would be all about me!). That's a hard think to accept, that fact that the sun and moon doesn't shine outa my butt. I realize I have been working on this for a very long time and now in my latter years I am truly trying to put it to work. I am a work in progress and as a poster said so aptly in the 70's "God doesn't make junk" with a picture of a little forlorn person below the caption. Well....I'm not junk. I've made good choices and bad choices, but all my choices have made me who I am. Sometimes our choices can be hard to live with and eat us up inside. Do you know I still feel guilty for something I did in 6th Grade??? warped, right? I'll tell you what it is and I've only ever told one other person this and that was my dear Evelyn and it was just the other day. When I was in 6th grade right after the Memorial Day weekend a classmate was killed in a car accident. Well in the dark ages when I grew up they didn't have things like grief counslers who came to your school to explain things to you. Here we are, all 12 and under in age and the teachers have quite uncermoinously tell us a classmate had not only died but died in a horrible car accident. Not sparing the details that it was a disfiguring ugly accident and that this child was probably better off dead. Well, imagine the impact not only on the sensitive but the bullies. So, here's where my guilt comes in. There was a cemetary right across from the little school I went to, it's where my grandparents are buried and where they were going to lay this poor little child to rest. Well, mild mannered, mousey little ole me led a group of students off of school grounds over to the cemetary to pay our respects to our classmate. Imagine the termoil we caused and came back to. Teachers screaming, most of the group crying, not because we were in trouble, but because it was such a life altering experience. They told us they were going to call our parents and that severe action would be taken and it would be on "gasp" our permanent record!!! Now, we were only a few days from the last day of school and it was the 6th graders last year at this school. Do you know to this day, I'm still afraid someone is going to call my Mom and tell here what I did, but I do doubt it will have the same impact as she's dead too and I'm 52 (couldn't help the little rime)! Also, your permanent record is a myth unless you were a nut job in school. So I guess we all do have permanent records as I don't know many sane people. So back to choices. What I've learned is good, bad or indiferent we learn to live with our choices. Some are harder than others and life is a trade off when it comes to choices. Guilt does nothing but kill you. You have to move forward. Now here is how the title of my blog ties in "The Song Remains the Same" is a song by the English group Led Zepplin. It is the opening track to their 1973 album Houses of the Holy. What I am taking from that is the song is the same as it was as child as is it now. We just have bigger problems and issues to deal with and they effect many more people. Deal with them as we will. With Grace and dignity and with know that our choices are not always right but they are the choices we made and we need to make the best of them. I will continue in my quest to be a good person. Somedays I fail. Somedays we all fail. But then there are the days were all the planet's align and God smiles on us and you realize life is good...such a simple thing,life if good. Well dahlings, i'm sure I have bored you all enough with my ramblings and I thank you for reading this and give you much credit it you made the whole way through it. Have a wonderful day, also whenever I go to the cemetary I leave a flower on the grave of my fallen classmate. Do that perhaps someday for someone you don't know. I will do your heart good. xoxoxox to all of you!!! Your Servant....Pammy

"Death, the one appointment we all must keep, and for which no time is set”,,,,Charlie Chan

My Dear Friends. I have not have had much to say or cared to share lately, but this morning I woke up to very sad news. My dear friend Margie's Mom passed away Friday. I am at a loss for words for my dear friend. She has had so much happiness,joy and sadness all in one years time. My Margie got engaged to be married. A few days later her father, who had struggled with a long time illness passed away. Also, during this past year Margie's Mom, Andrea was diagnosed with Cancer. Andrea fought the good fight. On March 26 2011 Margie married her wonderful Tony with her Mother and her brother by her side. It was beautiful and I was so proud and happy to dance at her wedding. I listened to her Mom give a beautiful speach about her daughter and about her late husband and how through the years he missed many family functions because of illness, but always said that he's was with them in spirit. Well my dear friends my heart is so full that Mrs. Levenson was able to be there in body AND in spirit for that beautiful day. She looked fantastic and was such a proud mother of the bride. She got to see her beautiful princess marry her true love. I didn't know Andrea well, but she took the time to personally welcome Daniel and I to the wedding and thank us for coming. My blog today is to honor Mr. and Mrs. Levonson and to thank them for the wonderful children they gave life to, raised and so generously shared with all of us. Margie and Michael will always see their parents face in the mirror and in each other and someday will hear their laughter and joy in their own children. My life has been enriched by knowing Margie and sharing in the joys and saddness that this wonderful young lady has experienced. I know they say that this is just how life goes....happiness and saddness hand in hand. This is a perfect example, but I must say it doesn't make it any easier to understand or experience. Margie my friend, you may never read this or know I wrote this and that's fine.I just wanted to share my thoughts about what a remarkable family you have. So my dear friends I have no fun facts or random thoughts to share with you on this day. Just saddness. Please remember to tell the ones you love how much you love them. Never leave each other without these words and a hug. Live every moment with them like it might be your last together and please have faith that someday God will reunite you. A leben ahf dir!: You should live! And be well! God bless you all.....Pam

"My Name is Victoria Winters, my journey is just beginning...." Introduction to Soap Opera Dark Shadows

ANOTHER WORLD, AS THE WORLD TURNS,DARK SHADOWS,DAYS OF OUR LIVES,GENERAL HOSPITAL,THE GUIDING LIGHT,SEARCH FOR TOMORROW,THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS....I could go on and on and on with title's of much of America's guilty pleasure...Soap Opera's!!! I'll just bet that most of our 6 1/2 have at one time or another in their lives watched a daytime soap. I know I did when I was young. Soap Opera's started back in the 1930's on the radio and by the early 1950's had switched to TV. They are called "Soap Opera's" because soap company's like Proctor and Gamble produced 15 min. drama's to help sell their soap products such as Ivory Soap. When I was a very small child at 12 noon everything stopped to watch Bill Burns read the news on KDKA. After that it all began...all the drama, the laughter, the tears the murders, the split personalities!!! What happened at 12:30 pm Monday through Friday????The Guiding Light and Search for Tomorrow!!! Now dear reader I was born in 1959 and I remember when both of these programs were 15 min. each!!! Imagine that...each show had 15 min. to cover all the bases of the above said!!! They of course by the 70's graduated to an hour format and still didn't have enough time, of course by then we had drugs, homosexuality, abortion and the usual promiscuity to deal with. I used to dread Search for Tomorrow and "The Liding Gite" as I called it cause I knew when they were over at 1 pm I had to take a nap...YUK! But even as a 4 year old child I was hooked. Mom and I or if I was with Grandma would sit and eat our lunch and watch these two programs. The trials and tribulations of the Bauer and Spalding families on The Guiding Light and the wretched life of poor Joanne Gardner on Search for Tomorrow kept us entranced. When Papa Bauer died on The Guiding Light we cried as if a member of our family died. Actually the actor who played Papa Bauer passed away in real life and they did not do him the injustice of replacing him with someone else like he was the "other Darrin" from Bewitched. It was horrible because we all loved Papa Bauer! Joanne on Search for Tomorrow went through the wringer...she a husband who died in a plane crash only to come back years later not so dead. She went blind and every man in the entire vicinity of her wanted to bang her! Poor woman had a wretched life in general but was evidently very happy in the sack. I could never figure out why everyone wanted her (of course I still didn't understand sex at that point in my life). My Dad was off always for the week of Christmas because his machine shop closed for the holiday. During that week he would catch up with Joanne, Papa Bauer, Bertha and Marge and Stu Bergman. Then he would say "well I'm all caught up for this year,i'm sure I will have no trouble picking up next year"! During the 1970's Another World became one of our favorites. One day Daddy came home from work to find 4 sobbing women in his living room (me, my Mom, and two sisters) it seems that Hugh and Jill took off in a plane and crashed. He was so upset because all we could sob was "dead". Well he thought a member of the family died. We finally calmed down enough to explain to him that it was Jill and Hugh from Another World...he was not thrilled with us that day! It was all so personal and emotional. My Mom was a avid Young and The Restless fan, or as it progressed in years I called it The Old and The Horny, and watched it from the first day it premiered in 1973. She loved the ups and downs of the Foster and Brooks families, Foster's being the wrong side of the tracks and the Brooks, the rich family. David Hasselhoff played Snapper Foster an up
and coming young doctor. As the years went by Victor Newman became her favorite played by Eric Braden. She loved Victor so much that she refused to watch the movie Titanic because Mr. Braden had a small part and went down with the ship as they say. She didn't want to watch Victor die even if he wasn't playing Victor!Of course I had my favorite, can anybody guess???? DARK SHADOW'S. This was the first supernatural daytime drama and started my love affair with Vampires. Barnabas Collins was my dream boat! I was the worlds worst Girl Scout because of Dark Shadows, why you might say?? Because on Friday's they always left you with a cliff hanger and I knew on Monday there would be answer's. Well, my scout meeting was on Monday after school. I skipped alot which would explain why I only earned 4 merit badges in 4 years of Girl Scouts. Dark Shadow's can boast of the actress Joan Bennett who played the lead of Elizabeth Stoddard Collins. Other notables on this program were Kate Jackson (Charlie's Angels)and the actor Dana Elcar. The list of notable actors and actress's who started their careers on soaps is long and varied. Ryan Phillippe played a Gay teen on One Life to Live. Another World had Ray Liotta and Lindsay Lohan. Jensen Ackles was on Days of our Lives. The Edge of Night had Bill Macy, Dixie Carter and Pittsburgh's own Frank Gorshin (The Riddler of Batman fame and date of one of my mothers friends). Ruby Dee, Kevin Bacon and Calista Flockhart were all on the Guiding Light. Search for Tomorrow had at one time Don Knotts, Lee Grant and the ever popular Morgan Fairchild (yeah...that's the ticket...as Jon Lovitz would say). Mommie Dearest, Joan Crawford did a stint on The Edge of Night and when she became ill she let her abused daughter, Christina take over her part, explain that character's age difference in a day??? Elizabeth Taylor was a guest at Luke and Laura's wedding on General Hospital. The list goes on and on not to mention all the wonderful actors and actresses who have made a living and given much enjoyment to people being soap opera actors. Let me give you a fun fact about the sponsors of the soap opera, Proctor and Gamble. It seems that the Porn Star, Marilyn Chambers (star of Behind the Green Door) appeared on the packaging of Ivory Snow. Now that's a conderdiction in terms! Now you might ask what has brought on my history of the soap. Well, today I read that ABC is canceling All My Children and One Life to Live due to viewers looking for different programing. The replacement, reality TV! I don't think TV will be the same without Erica Kane and Pine Valley and poor Susan Lucci, thank god she finally did win that daytime Emmy!I think my random thought for today is that these are the good old days. That soon all of these type of daytime show's will be but a memory. Enjoy them while you can. I know I became jaded of Soaps in my 20's and 30's but as I took this little walk down memory lane it reminded me of so many funny, sad and happy things and all of it came from a little program that might have started as a 15 min. bleep in the day. Such a simple thing to make us all happy...ahhh those were the days!! So I will leave you with this thought "Like sands through the hourglass so are the days of of lives" xoxox Pammy aka Mrs. Barnabas Collins!!!

"Ben the two of us need look no more, we both found what we are looking for..." Ode to a Rat sung by Michael Jackson written by Walter Scharf & Don Black

What up my homies (all 6 1/2!) I have a bone (sorry the pun) to pick again with the media. My last little commentary on the media had to do with the happy commericals about erectile disfunction and the depressing (again with the word play) commericals about depression. Today's sermon is about animal abuse,abandonment and getting lost. Now gentle reader anyone who know's me know's I am mad for my girls and any other doggie or cat that passes my way. If you refer to prior post, "Puppy Love", it says it all. I realize that everyone's gotta raise money for their causes and marketing of any product is necessary but my goodness they might as well start playing the depression commerical's before and after the commericals for animal abuse and abandonment. There are two that kill me. The first one is where they show the sad dog and Sarah Mclachlan starts yodeling in the background. I get it, but hey when I hear her start to yodel I plug my ear's and start going lalalalalala as I try to blindly change the channel because my eyes are also closed. The other one is the sad looking dog poking his nose through the cage asking "What did I do"??? Crap, it brings me to my knees. Just as my Sainted Danny has often banned me from programs with initials, NCIS,CSI because I have nightmares these commericals are also forbidden in our home. Now I realize they are playing on our emotions but crap my emotions are not in that good of shape being a 52 year old woman going through menopause and dealing with my own depression. We all get the point! Please, just get on the TV and ask me for money. I promise, I will send it!! I can't take the Sally Struthers commericals about children with no food either. I think their choice of casting was ill advised, no offense to Sally. She's grown a bit portly in her old age and doesn't look like she misses many meals. Where was Celine Dion when they were casting, and she can yodel the song to it as well! Yes, I'm a bleeding heart and cannot stand any form of abuse or neglect of animals, children, old people the whole schmear. Look even crazy ole dead Michael Jackson sang the lament of a rat who was misunderstood. We all felt for the rat, one of the most unloveable creatures on god's green earth. When my younger sister heard the music for Lassie come on she used to run screaming with her ears covered (I did the same thing with the music from Chiller Theater). At 4:30 Mummy made sure that the channel was not turned to Timmy and Lassie cause we couldn't stand the screaming. Of couse she also screamed when she saw a fly or flushed the toilet so who really know's what that shit was all about! I also must admit, since I try to be honest in my blog that when Ruth got on my nerves too much, imagine that, I used to turn the channel to Timmy and Lassie just to watch her run away screaming and leave me the hell alone! She got me back years later when I listened to music with headphones, she would sneak up and wait for the drum solo on "In the Air Tonight" and turn it up and scare the crap outa me. But I digress. Here are some fun, light facts about dog's since we have been dealing with the serious. Dogs have about 100 different facial expressions, most of them made with the ears.Dogs have about 10 vocal sounds. Dog's do not have appendix. They also DO see colors. So I promise that I will continue to support animal rights, give to starving children and never pass a Salvation Army kettle without giving. I also support the rights of Werewolves!Please, Please just take it easy on the maudlin commericals. So, today dear reader, if anything has made you go hmmmm It should be, how the piss does my Sainted Danny put up with me? So for now, Later Scater ur out (70's street slang for goodbye). Your servant, Pammy xooxoxoxox

"A rose is a rose is a rose"....Gertrude Stein

Dear 6 1/2 supporters and whom ever else had decided to read my little missives. Hope you had a great week and weekend. I had the pleasure of attending a dear friend, Margie's wedding yesterday. I've know Margie about 4 years and she's many years younger than me, but she is one of the most kindest, caring and all around good persons I've ever had the honor of knowing. Just as she is a beautiful person she was a beautiful bride. I have the profound gratification of knowing she is "a sister of my heart". As I watched her and her Tony exchange their vow's and have their first dance as husband and wife I had time to reflect upon many different things in my life and it does bring up so many different emotions. First off, as always it reminded me how in love I am with my Sainted Danny. As I watched Margie walk down the isle I was reminded of my own wedding day and the excitement. It wasn't the "party" that was important to me, it was the vow that I was taking that excited me. I though about my Mom and Dad and how proud I was to have my Dad walk me down the isle. I was his last daughter to marry and I thanked God he was there to support me (I think we both did a bit of emotional and physical supporting that day as Daddy was not in good health). I also had to reflect on some painful things....My sisters. As most of you probably know my sisters and I do not have contact with one and other. That of course was until March 18th when I ran into my older sister, Donna at Sam's club. I have to give her credit as she was the one who approached me as I didn't even see her. It took me a few moments to realized who she was, which in someways is very sad. I don't know if I would have been able to do the samething if I had been the one to see her first. We spoke. I held all the horrible bad thoughts and words in because that was not how she was approaching me and at this point would solve nothing. She wished me a happy birthday and I wished her a good, happy long life. We did go outside and have a conversation. I can't say it solved anything I guess it just took the suprise element away of will I ever run into this person and how will I handle it. I try to be a good, kind, caring and forgiving person but I don't always succed. I acknowledge that it took four of us to cause the problem and I do include my dear mother in that. I love Mummy with my entire heart and soul and tried to everything I could for her. I wish Mummy had knocked all our heads together and told us to shut up, get along and get over it. Alas, this did not happen. At this point in her life Mum was getting older and probably sicker and in general just beat up mentally and physcially by life. It happens. I have been fortunate that I have other family who have been my rocks and foundation during these past years. No matter how I try I cannot erease the blood bond I have between these two women. I must say even if I don't like them as people, I do love them. It's a very complicated thing. I still haven't seen the younger sister, Ruth, but just as it did with Donna I imagine we will run into each other someday. I don't think it will go as civil as it did with Donna. I don't know what I feel about Ruth. Yes, I love her, no I don't like her. This might sound like a horrid thing to say, but I can't help it. If God had put us all in a room together none of the three of us would have chosen to friends with one and other. Blood does not always make you buddies. I had already been in conflict with these feelings before last night at Margie's wedding. It made me think about things like will I ever see my Niece and Newphew again and see them walk down and isle with someone they love? Will I ever know if I'm a Great Aunt? Then is the horrible question of do I want to be part of those lives. It has nothing to do with love for them. My heart aches sometimes to see them and hear their voices. I just am so unsure what path I am being led down right now. I know we are supposed to be good Christian's and forgive but some hurts go so deep and the cut is so ugly that it may never heal. I know, Jesus forgave the worst things in the whole world why can't I? Where does it leave us?? I have no answers. I don't think it's something that I will all of a sudden have a "light bulb" moment and have the answer. I also don't think I'm the one who has more soul searching to do. I know I do my share of it and I know the toll it has and is taking on me. I must say watching Margie get married with all her family and friends around her loving and supporting her gave me a wonderful warm feeling. It also made me sad that I honestly never felt that kind of warmth from my sisters. Dear reader, please do not think I am placing all the blame on them. again I state, I had my fingers in this pot and helped stir it. Much of my stiring was not done from any malious but from overwhelming hurt. I always tell people who are angry at a sibling or a loved one and have decided to to speak to them to please take a good,long, hard look at my sisters and myself. Our's was and is no solution and if you make that decsion sometimes there is no turning back. Thus brings me to my blog title "A Rose is a Rose is a Rose". This was written my Gertrude Stein in 1913 for a poem "Sacred Emily". Basically it means, It is what is is. Im also trying to process that in terms of these two relationships. Is it truly is what it is? I can tell you in the future days, weeks and months I have much to ponder and pray on. If anything today makes you go mmmmm in my blog today I hope that it is about the effect we all have on one and other, releated or not. You have all been kind reading this and allowing me to vent some of this. I bid you all and Adios for today and leave you with a quote from Romeo and Juliet
"Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.".. William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, 2.2. Gotta love me...I like to make a grand depature and any chance to quote ole Will Shakespeare is always a great opportunity! Till the next time my friends....xoxxoo peace out! Pammy

To Bra...or not to Bra...that IS the question...

S'up my 6 1/2??? Not all that much on my end, but I do have and experience to share with all of you. Now people that know me personally know that I am a shall we say a Reubenesque built woman. Even after losing 116 lbs. I still have "girls" that are deserving of their own zip code.Now this is not bragging, it's a fact.If I had my way I would be flat as a boy. First let me give you a bit of background on Bra's that you may or may not know. Bra's can be traced back as far as the 16th century coming to fashion during the Ming Dynasty (1368-1644). They were called a "Dudou" and were in vogue amoung rich women. I guess the poor ladies just let them flop in the breeze! From the 16th century up to and through the 19th century corsets were the choice for ladies to keep em in check. Those did not sound fun, even when I look at a bustier I feel like I can't breath, thank you Madonna for helping to make them popular again. Perhaps that's why her singing is only so so...she can't breath! Now here is a fun fact about modern day Bra's. Did you know that Howard Hughes (1905-1976) who was a aviator, movie producer, billionaire and well know hypochondriac invented the underwire, push up bra for Actress Jane Russell (1921-2011) for the movie The Outlaw (1943)? Ms. Russell's sensous performance and her boobies cause a three year halt to this movie, directed by Howard Hughes from being released!! Anywho, enough history and allow me to share my Bra saga from the other day. Picture this...me with my big boobs, my dear Sainted Danny, a lady I went to high school with in a clothes shop dressing room. Now my Sainted Danny is always there for me. Since my little fall this summer I have some torn meniscus in my shoulders and it's aggrivated any arthritis that was in there from dislocating my should and breaking my arm as a child. Yes, I have always been accident prone and yes I am getting old and not ashamed to admit it. So, dear Danny being the bestest husband any old lady could ask for had offered to help me try on Bra's so that he could hook and unhook them for me. Enter my old High School friend Cathy who works in the clothes shop that we are attempting to purchase said undergarment from. It all started with the measuring, which is an ordeal within it's self. Now comes the decsion of what style, color, hooking method, underwire or no underwire, lace or cotton...I could go on (I have to admit the sub-catagories where what almost broke a brave Daniel down!) We now commence to trying on. Of course you have been measured but as any woman of any size know's that usually means jack shit. You just keep trying until you find one that holds em with as little pain and aggravation as possible! Now comes the March of Bra's. We started small as in only a few Bra's in the fitting room. We hook, we look, we unhook over and over again. At this point we now have at least 20 Bra's of different shapes, color and sizes spread around the dressing room. Dan is running back and forth like a crazed hampster to find a new model every 10 min or so. At one point I suggest we stop and in the firmest voice I've ever heard from Daniel he said "WE ARE NOT LEAVING HERE WITH OUT AT LEAST ONE BRA"...he was on a "mission from god". There were Madonna cone Bra's, sport's Bra's, lacy pretty Bra's nothing is working. Enter again Cathy my high school friend. There stand the three of us in a fitting room, me san's bra, my husband with his hair standing on end and Cathy with her tape measure. We measure yet again and start over. At one point as the three of us stand there Cathy tells me to bend forward and shake the "girls" into the Bra. Now most of us have had to do this at one time or another,you just really don't expect to do it in front of an audience unless there are dollar bills involved! EUREKA...we have found a Bra that just may do the trick! It is now 2 hours later and a man that could use a beer. Boob's no longer have any mean as anything other than something you strap down! As we checked out I advised Cathy and Dan I felt like we "shared a moment" and perhaps should go have a smoke! My random thought after that entire ordeal is....ahhh the power of the boob!!! I had a lady fit me at a deparment store once who was of German descent. We will call her The General. As I stand there naked from the waist up trying on a new Bra she throw's open the fitting room door and barks "Vas is Das???" I reply, my boob's. Vell, she say's, zee boobies should be all in zee brassier. I told her that is what I was trying to do but had been interupted by someone throwing open the door. This did not bother her at all. She proceeded to put "the girls" in the the Bra herself. She walked around me, tugged, pushed together, snaped and then prounonced it a "good fit". She then flicked my nipples and walked away. I still don't know what the flicking had to do with the whole ordeal but it seemed important to her! It was the best fitting Bra I ever had! Where was The General when I needed her? I leave you with some of the lovely names we have for Bra's. So creative and descriptive. There is the boobie basket, the over the should boulder holder,the tit sling, the upper decker flopper stopper and in German Der Floppen Schotoppem! I just had to share this little experience with all my 6 1/2 whether they wanted to hear about it or not. Afterwards Daniel and I had a very good laugh and swore it was going to be a lonnnngggg time before we did that again! So there is no great point to what I've written just something to hopefully make us all laugh as now days we all could use a good one and I'm happedn to supply the material. Have a great week all and find something good to laugh at...it keeps us young...that and firm boobies! xoxxox Pammy