The Power

Hello my dear 6 1/2 followers. It used to bother me that only a few people followed my blog, but it doesn't any longer. I finally figured it out that I don't write this for anyone than me. If It happens to have someone read it and it hits a nerve, funny, sad or otherwise that's great. Usually I have a fun fact or something we can all learn about. Right now I haven't felt too much like looking for a fun fact. I just feel like sitting down and writing my feelings. Some people may feel it's B.O.R.I.N.G, but that as Bobby Brown would say is "MY PREROGATIVE"! As many of my dear followers and friends know I've have been fighting a debilitating depression along with anxiety and panic attacks for sometime now. In the past few months they have improved somewhat. I still have my morning and nights where I wake up and feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin and just want to sit and cry my eyes out. Some days, waking me up like this exhausts me before I even get out of bed. If one of my dog's startles me awake or if the phone rings to wake me up I actually shake. Daniel has an alarm that plays Emeinem's I'M NOT AFRAID. Well, I am, it scares the shit outa me every morning. I have my day's where I wake up and think, Oh Lord, do I have to face the day. I know I'm lucky as many people have to face this while still working and I did for many years. The fact is, I DO want to face the day. I want to get on with my life and live it to the best of my ability. Just like everyone in the world does I have my set backs and I have things that help set me back. I work very hard to not let this happen, but sometimes it's out of my control. The news can hurt me, peoples cruelty to one and other can hurt me. People who direct their anger at me can hurt me. I just keep telling myself, I DO not have to buy into it. Easier said than done. It always plays on my insecurities. Doesn't matter what anyone says, we all have them. I immediately turn into the 5 year old on the playground that no one will play with. I've had a little set back in the past week or so. I can always tell it's happening as I'm overly tired, emotional and bitchy. Ask Danny! It"s about me...me...me and all ME!! At this moment I've only been up since 7am and I'm already tired. I feel like I need to sit here and close my eyes. Perhaps today I will indulge myself and just snooze. I think that's the only thing I will be good for! I guess the moral of this little blog is to pay attention to the people in your life, they may not just be bitchy, but often is something we can control. I know it's time to stop writing as my eyes keep going closes. So, go out there, hug someone who's Bipolar or even just a bit off. I know I could use one today. Have a great day all, and tomorrow I will try to be back on my game and write something that will makes us all laugh! xoxox Pammy