A Stepford Wife.(???)

Hello Dahlings...The first order of business is that we must welcome young Joshua to our lovely meetings.  We are now 6 1/2!  Ha cha cha!!! OK, I regressed there for a moment because this afternoon I've decided that I need to become "The perfect housewife".  I've read several articles today on how a good wife and homemaker  un- fortunately they were are published  in the 1950's. The thing is...I don't think I can cut it.  I'm a failure before I began.  First off our role model is supposed to be Donna Reed. For those not old enough to know who Donna Reed was and why she was famous I shall enlighten you (see I'm trying to be refined and gentile).  Donna Reed was an actress from the 1940'a and 50's.  She was Jimmy Stewart's wife in "It's a Wonderful Life" (hated that movie) had her own TV show in which she played the perfect homemaker (I'm even to young to remember that series except from re-runs) and for those who are much younger she was the second Miss Ellie in Dallas. To tell you the truth I never accepted her as the second Miss Ellie, I also had issues with the second Darrin on Bewitched.  To be a good Stepford ummmm I mean housewife I need to do certain things.  I'm supposed to always look like I stepped out of the beauty parlor, my hair and make up are to always look as if I've had them professionally done and it was just in the last 10 min.I also need to wear pearls allot.  Now I like pearls and have been known to wear them, but it's usually for an evening out and I haven't worn them much since the late 70's and early 80's when we all wanted to look preppy and wore them with everything! I'm supposed to take 15 min. before my husband comes home and rest so I look "refreshed" and to place "a fresh ribbon in my hair" to complete this.  I need to "wash the children's face and hands as they are your little treasures and need to be presented this way"Gracie and Lacy watch out I'm comin for you.  I'm also supposed to have a hot or cold drink in my hand to give to my husband when he comes in and have him either lay down or sit in a comfortable chair and speak in low pleasing tones.  I'm not supposed to complain about my day because my issues are small compared to the issues and people that my Stepford um I mean husband has put up with all day.  OK...I've failed before I started.  Let me first say, it's a cold snowy Saturday and my sainted Danny has been at work since 12 pm.  I have been alone and have had plenty of time to do my hair, find my pearls and wash the children's, well in our case, dog's faces.  I have done none of this.  I'm wearing my Eeyore slippers I have a flannel nightgown on that is 4 sizes too big and my pink fluffy bathrobe. My legs are shaved so there has to be points for that!  I do have dinner ready so there is another positive.  The hair ribbon part is not working for me either.  Donna Reed would have on a lovely pink ribbon tied around her hair like a hairband.  I'm looking and all I have is either a Pittsburgh Steelers bandanna or one from Pet Smart that Lacy and Gracie came home with.  I have to admit either one of them would look good with what I have on, but it's not 50's housewife material.  I know I usually give you all the benefit of one of my precious "random thoughts" but I think this entire thing I've just written is one big random thought! I probably will bitch at Danny in a loud cranky voice about something and he can sit where he wants.  I will, as I always try to do have a cup of tea ready for him when he comes in.  Actually, I'm really not that bad...cause I do always have a meal ready for him.  I guess that's my nod to Donna Reed.  I kinda think I'm working closer to Deborah Barrone housewife from "Everybody Loves Raymond".  I'm kinda cranky (understatement) I don't always look good and the dog's still need their faces washed!  So, I think the best thing I can offer Danny is a cup of tea, a hot meal, two dogs who adore him and me who even if i don't look like Donna Reed loves him with all my heart.  I think I'm going to stop reading those articles and go back to reading old issues of "High Times" and "Rolling Stone".  My fun fact is that the most recent numbers I could come up with for women who stay at home and are housewives and Mom's is 5.3 million. Do you think I'm the .3 cause I'm not so good at it???   Right now I'm gonna go find a set of my pearls and the tiara I own, since I don't have a hair ribbon and see how they look with my nightgown and Eeyore slippers.  Thanks as always for listening and feel free to give constructive criticism on how you think I might improve!  So as I assume Donna Reed would say, It's been a pleasure visiting with you (bee ah ches, that's from me not Donna!).  I'll be back soon....sounds like a threat!  xoxoxox Pammy